What Else Could I Do?
by everstar
Summary: Miroku goes to fetch Kagome, who hasn't returned to the Warring Era for four years. [R for language, because no one below the age of seventeen uses naughty words.]
1. Part 1

_In some ways, the hardest part of the journey was after it ended, when it came down to that choice I'd feared for so very long. But in truth, he'd already decided. And I knew what that decision was. So what else could I do? I told him I loved him, and I left. _

The first few months back in my own time were hell. Everything was so strange. The buildings were too close together and too tall. The air seemed foul, the water didn't taste right. The beds were too soft. There were mornings I woke up and could not remember where I was: why I couldn't hear Shippo breathing, Miroku snoring, and Kirara purring, or why I couldn't smell the woodsmoke of our burnt-out fire. I tried to compensate by going camping a lot, but it wasn't the same. It couldn't be. 

Despite my remarkably poor attendance, I had managed to get into high school and out of it again with decent marks. I found myself drawn towards being a doctor, and soon studying for the pre-med program engaged most of my attention, so I didn't have much time to think about my friends anymore. I'm not sure when I decided to be a doctor. Some of it has to do with all the injured and sick people I couldn't help in the Warring Era. Some of it is the fact that I am, and always will be, a miko. But no one's here to teach me what that means, leaving me to sort of make it up. But the truest reason, and the most ironic one, is that I wanted to make Kikyo proud. Isn't that crazy? She tried to kill me, she hated me, she hated... him. But still. I wanted to show her that I understood what it meant to be the guardian of the Shikon no Tama, and that I had no intention of failing myself or her or us. She taught me most of what I know about being a miko. 

Apart from being undead and dragging innocents to hell, of course. 

On sunny afternoons, I'd take my books out underneath the God Tree to study. It hurt, because it always, always reminded me of him, but it eased my heart, too. Sometimes I'd read aloud quietly, the way I had five hundred and four years and six months ago. Sometimes, if I closed my eyes, the rustling of leaves sounded like the rustling of fire-rat fabric, and I could hear him.

"What is that crap?"

"Calculus."

"What?"

"Math: numbers and stuff."

"What the hell do you need to know that shit for?" 

"I'm not sure myself, sometimes." 

"Keh. Useless." 

Of course, this is always when Sango or Miroku would tell him to shut up because I needed to concentrate, and he'd yell that if I didn't want to be interrupted I shouldn't fucking read aloud_, and Miroku-or-Sango would point out that even when I didn't read aloud he would interrupt me to demand to know what I was reading, and Shippo would crawl into my lap to listen to the argument, eating a sucker, and at this point I had to open my eyes and wipe the tears off my math book because I could still hear the whole argument in my head and I would never hear it again. _

Do I even need to tell you that for years, when I saw a loose red jacket out of the corner of my eye, my heart would stop? Or that I've tried dating, only to feel a grumpy hanyou glaring over my shoulder, sizing up the competition, even though he'd never admit that's what he was doing? I've gotten better: in the first few months, I cried at the sight of ramen. Most of the time, I just try not to think about it. Because what else can I do? 

***

A small brazier smoked in front of the well, while Miroku looked over his spells and ritual set up once more. Petitions for mercy, for safe passage. One explanation specifically worded for their situation. Incense for focusing the mind and for pleasing whatever powers governed the well. His staff, just in case something went horribly wrong. One very grumpy demon hunter leaning against the well. Miroku eyed his wife, hoping she'd finally overcome her objections. 

"Miroku, I just don't think this is going to work." Sango leaned over the edge to peer into the depths of the well. It looked quiescent, as it had for years. "I really don't think it's going to let you go to Kagome-chan's time just because you ask it nicely." 

"What other options do we have? Either we try it, or we have to chase Inuyasha down and make him do it. Between the two, I think the well's more likely to listen first." 

"I wish you'd let me come with." 

Miroku sighed and got up from his kneeling position to take Sango's hands. "Love, we've been over this. It's dangerous enough for one of us to go. There's no guarantee that it'll let us both through. And if it took you and left me, I don't think I could stand it. Besides, the children need to grow up together. The baby needs to stay on this side." 

Sango glared. "If you'd wait a few months, we could settle this fairly." 

Miroku shook his head serenely. "No, you fight dirty." He grinned while the ringing in his head cleared. "That's my violent tajiya. It'll be all right. I swear. Whatever it takes, I'll come home." Sango stepped close for a kiss. 

"You had better," Sango whispered against his mouth. "I don't know how I'm going to keep bearing your children when you're five hundred years in the future." 

Miroku smiled down at the love of his life. "Do you really need to go over the procedure again?" 

Sango grinned, shaking her head. "You'd better get going, houshi, before I decide to drop you in the well myself." 

***

Kagome leaned back against the God Tree, watching the pattern of light and shadow dance in the leaves. _Sometimes it's almost like being home._ She shook her head. _It's been four years; I've got to stop thinking of that time as home._ She touched the jewel around her neck. _Anger, fear, hatred... all these things taint the Shikon no Tama. Luckily sadness doesn't seem to affect it at all._ Kagome closed her eyes, letting her thoughts drift. The warmth of the sun and the peace of the tree lulled her into a light doze, so she didn't see when the Shikon no Tama flared brightly and subsided. She didn't hear the door to the well slide open and then shut. And she dimly registered the quiet footsteps and the jingling of the staff, so it almost seemed part of the dream when a quiet, amused voice said, "Kagome, I was wondering if you would do me the honor of bearing my child?" 

She smiled in her sleep. "No, silly. You know Sango would kill you." 

"Ah, true. Besides, she's doing fairly well on her own." 

"What are you talking about? You know you haven't had kids." 

"Actually, we have. Two, and the third is coming, we think." 

_I'm not dreaming._ Kagome's eyes snapped open. 

Miroku was sitting next to her, gazing up at the leaves. "Your home is lovely, Kagome. And it's funny; the tree doesn't look that much tall-- oof!" He looked down at her, clinging onto his waist for dear life. "If I'd known you felt that way, I would've said something before you left." A muffled sob emerged, and Miroku hugged her. "Shhhh, Kagome, it's all right." 

"I wanted to go home," Kagome sobbed. "I thought I'd never see any of you again." 

Miroku settled back against the tree, rocking her slightly. "I'm sorry, Kagome. I should've come sooner." He waited quietly while the sobs subsided. He stroked her hair gently. "Are you all right?" 

Kagome half-laughed, pulling back, smearing tears away from her eyes. "Sorry. I guess I've been under more stress than I thought." She froze. "Is everybody all right? You didn't come through to tell me--" 

"No, no, nothing like that," Miroku said quickly. 

"How did you get here, anyway? I thought the only person who could come through was--" her throat closed. 

Miroku waited, but she didn't say Inuyasha's name. He sighed. This might actually be difficult. "As Sango puts it, I 'asked nicely.' But I wasn't sure the spell would work, and even if it did work, I wasn't sure that I would be able to find you and return." 

Kagome stared at him in awe. "You jumped through without knowing you could get back? That's the most reckless thing you've ever done in all the years I've known you." 

Miroku shook his head. "No, the most reckless thing I've ever done was explaining what I was thinking of doing to a pregnant professional demon hunter who gets more violent when she's expecting. Compared to that, actually doing it was nothing." 

Kagome laughed. "Sango still beats you, does she?" 

"My life is a constant cycle of abuse," Miroku said warmly. His smile faded. "But, Kagome, I told it that the only reason I was trying to get through was because the one who was meant to wouldn't." 

Wouldn't. Not can't. The color drained from Kagome's face. "He's alive?" 

"You thought he was dead?" 

She shook her head. "Come inside," Kagome said, as she started for the house. "I'll make you some tea." 

***

It took a while to get settled in the kitchen; though Miroku heroically tried to focus on the task he'd come for, it was very hard to ignore all the wonderfully strange things in Kagome's house. Kagome finally made him sit at the table after he almost burned himself playing with the stove. "I can't believe you have three kids." 

Miroku pulled his attention away from the refrigerator and grinned, deciding to play along with her for now. "I can't believe it either. Sometimes I hear Sango telling Kirara that she must have been insane." 

Kagome sat down across from him. "How is everybody?" 

"Shippo lives with us, of course; he's gotten a lot bigger, but he still feels more comfortable around us than other youkai. Sometimes I worry about what that means for him in the future, but as Sango says, we don't need to borrow trouble. 

Sango's well, although she's a little annoyed at being pregnant again. She doesn't mind it so much in the early months when she can still go out hunting, but at a certain point, it's just not practical, and then the only targets for her temper are... well, me." 

Kagome frowned. "Hunting? Are things still that dangerous?" 

"No, the days of insanely powerful youkai are mostly past. Occasionally we get some real rogues, but it's quiet for the most part. Especially around the forest. Youkai never go near it." He looked at her directly, and she flushed and looked away. 

"You didn't tell me about your kids." 

"Miho is three and Kohaku is almost two. We were going to name Miho Kagome, but Shippo insisted that when you came back it would just be too confusing." 

Kagome almost smiled, staring at her tea. "When I came back, huh?" 

"He drew a lot of pictures for you the first few months after you left. He's still got them, I think." He paused. "Everybody's been waiting, in some way." 

"I can't go back, Miroku." Kagome pushed back from the table, hugging herself as if she'd become deathly cold. 

"Can't go back? All you have to do is jump in the well." 

"Didn't you ever wonder why I left?" 

"No." He held up a hand as Kagome swooped down on him. "I knew it had something to do with Inuyasha. The details are what I don't know." 

"He said I was killing him." 

Miroku's eyebrows shot up. 

Kagome sighed and sat down again. "He'd decided to go with Kikyo, you know? After everything was finished. And she wanted to take him to hell. But I'd said that I'd stay with him. So..." 

"You tried to go to hell with them." Miroku sat back in his chair. "You accused me of being reckless?" 

Kagome shrugged and sipped her tea. "He wouldn't let me." 

"I should think not." 

"He said... that he didn't know what to do... he'd promised Kikyo, but he couldn't let me go with... he said he didn't know what to do, that it was killing him.... I told him I loved him... and I left. I thought that he'd done it. How could I go back after that? All these years, I thought he was dead." Kagome threw her cup across the room; Miroku ducked calmly, used to violent outbursts. "I thought he was dead! Sometimes I couldn't breathe at night because it hurt so much! If only I'd done something, said something... if I hadn't just let him go... But I did! What else could I do?" She looked up, tears pouring down her face. "I miss him, Miroku. Every day. It never stops." 

"I'm still not sure why you're not going back." 

"Because if I do, and it hurts more, I think I'll die." 

Miroku knelt in front of Kagome's chair, looking up at her. "Kagome. The only way to resolve this is to go back. Sango and I will help you get through this, even if we have to seal Inuyasha into a hut so you can sit him whenever you like. Anything." 

Kagome laughed, wiping tears away. "Do you think he misses me?" 

"I think it's safe to say yes." Miroku tugged on her hand. "Pack some things and let's go." 


	2. Part 2

Well, this was slightly easier to write, partially because I adore Sango. I'm not sure I did introspective Inuyasha right, though. It's not a natural state for him, after all. ;D This story is going to end up being longer than I thought, I have to say. Kagome and Inuyasha have so much to say to each other (if I can manage to get him to actually say anything instead of, "Where the hell have you been?"). PG-13 for language again, and for Sango losing her temper. 

Update: I was trying to get the next part started when I realized the reason Inuyasha was refusing to head over to the well was because this part wasn't finished yet. So now it's finished. :) 

Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha, or else there would be lots of episodes of Sango kicking major ass. 

***

It's not a dream so much as a memory relived. I remember that I stood on the edge of the village, mist swirling around me. I'd been summoned for the final time, to keep my promise. Kikyo stood before me, holding a slim, imperious hand out. "It's time to go." Her eyes flickered past me and she frowned. I turned around to see Kagome standing there, hands clasped in front of her. 

"What are you doing?" I hissed at her. 

She lifted her chin. "I'm coming with you." 

I can handle being beaten up. Throw me into a wall, drop something on me, hit me with a big fucking bolt of magic, hell, anything, I can take it. But of course it's only Kagome who can knock me breathless with four words. I gaped at her for a few seconds before blurting out, "What? Are you crazy? You're not coming." 

Kagome frowned at me. "Yes, I am." 

"There is absolutely no fucking way I'm letting you go to hell!" 

"You already said I could." 

"The hell I did!" 

"You said I could stay with you." 

Well, that shut me up. Because I had said that, hadn't I? "When I said you could stay with me, I didn't think you'd be stupid enough to follow me into _hell_." 

Kagome actually laughed. "But I am that stupid, Inuyasha. I said I'd stay with you, and I meant it. I never said that there were limitations." 

I sputtered. Kikyo laughed now, and if Kagome's laughter was a sun-warmed brook's song, Kikyo's laughter was the chill music of icicle chimes. "You foolish girl. You know there's no room for you in our embrace. We will protect each other from the darkness: who will save you? You're willing to suffer the torments of the damned for eternity just to keep a promise?" 

"Yes." Kagome walked over to me and touched my cheek gently. "Because I love him." 

My heart tore open, and I closed my eyes. My instincts were screaming at me to protect her. But how? I couldn't break my promise to Kikyo, and Kagome was just damned stubborn enough to follow me no matter what I said. "Don't, Kagome. Don't." _Don't do this to yourself. Don't do this to me._ "I can't let you do this." 

"I'm coming with you, no matter what." 

I leaned my forehead against hers. Even the biggest sit she had ever given me was a fucking picnic next to this. "You're killing me, you know that?" She sucked in her breath. "I can't let you come with, Kagome. I can't think of you suffering like that. I can stand it if I'm alone, but not if you're there. Because I'd always be trying to save you, and then I'd be breaking my promise to Kikyo. So... I don't know what to do." I sighed. "I always knew you'd be the death of me." 

We stood quietly, resting against each other. Whatever she decided, we couldn't go back from. This was forever. I could hear her heart beating. I'd never hear it again. "I love you," she whispered. "I always will." Kagome leaned up to kiss me, and as her lips touched mine, I felt a tug on the rosary around my neck. Beads rained down at my feet. 

"Hey--!" I could taste her tears in my mouth. She pulled away from me and nodded at Kikyo. "Forgive me. Goodbye." And she walked away, towards the well. 

"Kagome!" I lunged after her. 

"I see you're quite prepared to be with me for all eternity," Kikyo remarked dryly. 

_Shit!_ I wheeled around. 

Kikyo watched Kagome until she was gone. "That girl," she mused. "What is it about her? How did she manage to twine herself with your heart and soul more deeply than ever I did?" 

"What are you talking about?" 

"Can't you tell?" Drifting closer, Kikyo tapped a finger to my chest. "Even now, she's in your head. I could hold you in my embrace, in the depths of hell, until the world died, and you'd still be thinking of her. Why is that?" 

Well, that was a discussion I wasn't going to have. I looked down into that familiar face. I'd loved her so much. But my life hadn't started until I'd met Kagome. "I'll come with you, Kikyo, because I said I would. But I'm not the boy I was." 

She smiled sadly. "You're not, are you? It's just like that girl to steal everything from me. My soul, my life, my title, you. And now, even my final satisfaction. Ah, well." She turned and began to walk deeper into the village. 

"Wait! Where are you going?" 

"To the graveyard. Alone." 

"I thought--" 

"I vowed to drag the Inuyasha I loved and hated to hell with me. You are not him. So I find that I will have to go alone." Kikyo looked over her shoulder. "Goodbye, Inuyasha." 

And both of them were gone. 

***

Inuyasha snapped awake. _I fucking hate that dream!_ His claws gouged the tree branch beneath him as he sucked in a quick breath. He frowned and sniffed the air again. _Miroku and Sango at the well... incense... only Sango went back to the village? What the hell?_ His eyes narrowed. _Did he actually--_

He'd never moved so fast in his life. 

Sango couldn't say she was surprised when a furious hanyou burst through the door and woke the children. Annoyed, but not surprised. Inuyasha's voice rose over the sobs. 

"Sango, what the hell are you and Miroku up to?" 

She sighed and shoved him firmly out the door. "I'm going to put the children back to sleep. You are going to wait outside. We will then discuss this in a quiet tone of voice. If you come back inside, I will knock you unconscious and pin you to the God Tree myself. Got that?" 

Inuyasha rubbed the back of his neck. "Um. Sorry." 

Sango grinned at him before she ducked back inside. "It's good to see you." 

He thought he'd done a decent job of being patient--he'd only snarled at a few villagers who were looking at him just a little too curiously--but Sango was still shaking her head at him as she came back out of the hut. "I see four years of moping in the forest have done nothing for your social graces." 

"Hey, I said I was sorry. How was I supposed to know that you guys had kids?" 

"Well, you could have come to see us in those four years. That would have helped." 

Inuyasha opened his mouth and closed it again. Sango smiled at him sweetly. "I know, I know. You were too busy sulking over Kagome." 

"I was _not_ sulki-- hey, what the hell were you guys doing at the well, anyway? And where did Miroku go?" 

Sango rubbed the worn rosary beads around her right wrist unconsciously. "If everything went all right, he should be in Kagome's time." 

"How the hell did you manage that?" 

"He got this idea that if we told the well that the person who was supposed to go get her wasn't going to do it, it might let one of us." 

Inuyasha nodded thoughtfully. "That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard." 

Sango jabbed him sharply in the ribs, making him yelp. "Well, if you'd done it like you were supposed to, we wouldn't have had to, now would we?" 

"Huh, what makes you think she would've come back?" 

"I'm trying to decide if you're being willfully stupid or if you really think that," Sango said at last. "We're talking about Kagome, remember?" 

Inuyasha flattened his ears. "Yeah, and?" 

"Okay, I give up." Sango threw up her hands. "You know she'd follow you to the ends of the earth if you asked her. You finally had a chance to be happy together--or as happy as you two get--and you thought that after two years of putting up with your shit no matter what, you decided she probably _wasn't interested?_ I'm going to go find my husband and tell him he just wasted his time and energy, and if Kagome is back, I'm telling her not to give you the time of day because you obviously don't appreciate her." She stormed off towards the well. _Three, two, one..._

Sango dodged just in time as the growling red blur shot over her head. "You can't do that!" Inuyasha snarled, dropping into a crouch. 

"Oh?" Sango said. 

"No one's ever taking Kagome away from me again. Not even you." 

"You say that like she actually means something to you." 

"I love her, damn it!" 

Sango sighed happily as her punch left Inuyasha sprawled in the dirt. _Sorry, Kagome-chan, but I've wanted to do that for you for years._ She planted a sandal neatly in his solar plexus and exerted just enough pressure to make the rest of the breath in his lungs huff out, then leaned over to smile sunnily. "Next time, you might want to tell her that, idiot." And she kept walking, rolling her shoulders contemplatively. _Hmmm. That punch was a little weak. I wonder if I can sneak out with the Hiraikotsu sometime soon._

Inuyasha blinked up at the sky. _Miroku married her? He's braver than I thought. I can't believe he actually went through the well to get... Kagome.... Oh, SHIT. Kagome. Here._ "Hey, Sango? Maybe you should tell Kagome not to bother with me. It'd probably be better for everybody." He meant it to come out sounding brash, but something clamped his throat shut so he merely sounded desperate. _I don't know what to say, we always have fights when she comes back, I don't want to make her leave again, I'm not panicking, I'm not panicking, I'm panicking. Damn it!_

Sango's sandals scuffed next to his head. "Okay, you were Inuyasha a minute ago. What happened?" 

"What do you mean, what happened? Maybe I just don't want to see her." 

"Uh huh." 

Inuyasha banged his head against the ground. "Look, I had perfectly good reasons for not going back to get her, okay?" 

"You don't say?" Sango sat down next to Inuyasha's head. _This should be interesting._

"She got to go home, didn't she? Her family would take care of her, and she could do her school thing. She didn't have to be afraid anymore. She didn't have to worry about" _me_ "us anymore. She didn't have to fight anymore. She'd get over" _me_ "us, wouldn't she? And then she could get on with her life the way she was meant to." 

Sango sighed. "I know you want what's best for her, but did it ever occur to you that Kagome might have her own reasons for wanting to come back?" 

"She thinks I'm dead." He could feel Sango turning that over in her head. 

At last, she said dryly, "So, of course, when you decided that Kagome would be happier in her own time, you took into account her complete indifference to questions of your life or death." 

Inuyasha winced. "She thought I went with Kikyo." 

"Oh, that's even better." Sango shifted her weight, considering "accidentally" kicking him in the head. "That _really_ never upsets her." 

"I was trying to do the right thing, damn it! I meant to go with Kikyo, but she wouldn't take me because... because..." 

_Because you love Kagome._ She sighed. "And then when you realized Kikyo wouldn't take you with her, you decided that you'd let Kagome go on thinking you were dead so she could be happy in her own time?" 

"Well, what was I going to do? Drag her back here and tell her I couldn't live without her?" _Yes,_ said a small treacherous voice inside his head. 

Sango shook her head. _Inuyasha, I love you like a brother, but sometimes, you're dumber than a bag of rocks._ "Well, I want to see Kagome, so I'm going to go wait for her. Miroku probably already told her you're alive. I don't have any advice for you. I just want to ask you this: is the injury to your pride you'll receive from telling Kagome you love her more painful than how you'll feel spending the rest of your life without her?" She tried to stand up, and swore. "Damn pregnancies." 

Inuyasha lifted Sango to her feet and looked down at her. "I... I don't...." 

He looked so puzzled and lost, Sango gave in and hugged him, ignoring his start of surprise. "I've missed you," she said, voice muffled by his kimono. "We all have. No matter what happens, don't stay away, all right? Shippo's running out of stories to tell Miho and Kohaku about Uncle Inuyasha." 

"Uncle Inuyasha?" 

Sango stepped back so she could look him in the eye. "You're family. Deal with it." She kissed him on the cheek and turned to go. 

"Hey, Sango." She glanced over her shoulder. Inuyasha grinned at her. "Miroku's a lucky bastard." 

Sango winked at him. "Hopefully it runs in the family." 


	3. Part 3

Finished! At least this part. There might be an epilogue that needs to be written, but so far, I'm pretty happy with it. 

Let's see... I'd like to blame Miroku and Sango's behavior on all the Jennifer Crusie I've been reading, and offer mad props to anybody who recognizes the (fairly obscure) Tori Amos quote that sneaked in. 

Disclaimer: Still don't own it. 

***

"See?" Miroku bragged as their forms coalesced at the bottom of the well. "I told you, it'd be no problem at all." 

"Uh huh," said Kagome dryly. "You can let go of my hand now." She bit back a smile as Miroku snatched his hand back, flushing to his hairline. "I don't blame you for being a little freaked out," she went on, flexing her fingers. Miroku had a pretty strong grip. "I held my breath the first few times I went through. Well, the first few times I went through when I knew I was going to go through." 

He nodded. "Kagome, I've missed you desperately, but I've something to ask you. Please don't ever make me go through that thing again." 

"I promise, from now on, I'll come back without having to be fetched." She smiled at him. "Now, let's get out of this well." 

"Do you want a hand with that?" Sango poked her head over the side of the well. "I've got a rope; I'm not sure how strong those vines are these days." 

"Sango! Love of my life!" Miroku beamed up at her. 

"Hmm. On second thought.... Kagome, you climb up. Miroku, you stay down there." 

Kagome laughed. "I've missed you, Sango." 

Sango grinned. "Give me a second to get everything secured up here." 

"Do you want to go first, Miroku?" 

"No, I'm fairly certain she was kidding. After you." 

Kagome scrambled up the rope. "I'm so glad to see you!" Sango cried. She sat on the ground by the well, the rope looped around her upper body. "I'd hug you but..." 

"If you say you're a little tied up," Kagome warned, "I'm jumping back in." 

"Sorry. I've been living with Miroku too long." 

"I heard that!" echoed out of the well. 

Kagome thought her head was going to split from smiling. "Hold on a moment, Miroku, I have to hug Sango." 

"Oh, sure, leave me down here during the good part." 

Kagome crouched down next to her friend. "I'm so glad to see you," she said quietly. Sango let go of the rope and brushed a lock of hair out of Kagome's eyes. 

"Well, you should've come to visit, silly. We would've been more than happy to tie Inuyasha up in the yard until you went home again." 

Kagome laughed, but felt tears welling in her eyes anyway. "I missed you... so much...." 

"Oh, don't cry," begged Sango. "I'll start and then Miroku will be in the well for who knows how long." 

"Yeah, if you're both going to cry, get me out of here first so I can comfort you." 

Laughter won over tears, and Kagome grabbed the rope, yanking twice on it. "Why did you marry him again?" 

Sango's grin looked almost lecherous. "It turns out he knows how to use his hands for more than just grabbing girls." 

Kagome shook her head. "You really have been living with him for too long." 

"I don't know why everybody blames me," muttered Miroku, swinging his leg over the side of the well. "You think she'd be grateful for benefiting from all those years of practice, but do I ever get a thank you?" He eyed Sango, who was prettily flushed from supporting Kagome's and his weight. _Hmmmm._

"'Practice'?" said Kagome. Sango rolled her eyes. 

"'Years of shameless perversity' just doesn't sound as good," she said, trying to get to her feet. 

Miroku grinned at Sango, hauling her to her feet. "You know you like it," he said in her ear, untying the rope from around her. 

Sango blushed scarlet. Kagome snickered. "Maybe I should head into the village and let you two argue alone for a while?" 

Miroku slid an arm around Sango's waist. "We'll catch up with you, Kagome." 

"Miroku!" sputtered Sango. 

"Don't argue with me, woman, I've got rope." 

"I'm definitely leaving," Kagome said. "I'll see you guys in the village." 

"Just don't wake the kids," Sango yelled after her. 

Kagome shook her head as she headed towards the path out of the woods. _It's good to see them happy, even if they are both hopelessly warped._ She saw the God Tree towering over the rest of the trees, and her steps slowed. _I could go look for him.... No, that's an argument I'd just as soon not bring down on myself. Besides, he probably doesn't even know I'm here._

_Yeah, right._

The breeze that always blew over the paddies fluttered Kagome's hair as she left the woods. For the first time in four years, a tight knot of tension? fear? loneliness? loosened in her chest. _Maybe I'll just go sit by the water for a while._ She slid down the bank, wrapping her arms around her knees. The water lapped quietly at the shore. _I'm so glad to be home,_ she thought, shading her eyes to stare at the horizon. _Whatever happens, I'll never stay away again._

_It's funny; before, when I thought he was dead, the thought of just being here hurt so much. I couldn't stand to be here, around everything that ever reminded me of him, when I knew he'd never be here again. But now, I know he's alive and it's almost enough._

_Almost._ She sighed. _I miss him. It's not enough to know he's not dead. I need to see him, even if he doesn't need to see me. But what will I say? Why didn't you ever come back for me? Why did you let me think you were dead? Don't you know that I missed you with every breath I took for four years? Would you please stop me asking all these stupid questions and kiss me?_ She flushed. _Apparently Miroku and Sango are contagious. Besides, maybe I'm expecting too much. Maybe he didn't come for me because he's still broken up about Kikyo._

The thought hurt, but not in the desperate immediate way it had before. _I can't really hate her now. She's gone, but I'm alive. It doesn't seem fair to keep hating her, somehow. And..._ she faltered. _If she's gone... maybe there's room for me?_ Kagome shook her head. _Don't go there. Anyway, if he is still grieving for Kikyo, he's been grieving by himself for four years. Who knows how badly he's managed to twist himself up by now? Whatever else happens, he's my friend. I have to help him._ She sighed. _But I wish someday I could think about Inuyasha without pain always being involved. I'm really, really tired of pain._

She curled up on her side, watching the light dance on the water. _Maybe someday it won't hurt anymore._ She dozed off as the tension in her body seeped out into the soil. 

Inuyasha shook his head, watching Kagome fall asleep. _She's going to catch cold that way. Girl doesn't come back for more than ten minutes and she already needs me to take care of her._ He jumped out of the tree he'd paused in at the edge of the woods when she'd left the shelter of the forest. _What do I do? Do I carry her to the village? No, I don't want her to wake up and panic._ He crouched next to her. _She looks so tired. I wonder if she's okay?_ He traced a claw over her cheek. _Kagome._ He inhaled deeply. _She smells almost exactly the same. A little more like that stuff she used to treat our wounds. But she's still Kagome. My Kagome._ Years of repressed possessiveness surged in his blood. He grinned ferally. _Let her be happy in her own time? Fuck that._

"Kikyo saw it before I did," he said to the sleeping girl. "Hell, everybody saw it before I did. I shouldn't have let you go. We've wasted a lot of time, but that stops now." He shrugged out of his haori, tucking it around her. "You're mine, Kagome, and we've got a lot to talk about." He grinned. "I'll wait until you're awake, though." He stood up and stepped back, although a corner of his mind protested, wanting to wrap around her until their scents blended together, until nobody could tell where one ended and the other began, wanting to.... He shook his head. _Sit, boy._

_No! Mine!_

_Self-denial is overrated,_ Inuyasha decided. He sank back down next to her, pulling her against him. She smiled, cuddling closer and his eyes softened. _I missed you, Kagome. Whatever else happens, I'll make sure you know that._ He buried his face in her hair. _And I'm not letting go._

***

"Look," Sango said, pointing down the embankment as she and Miroku wandered back to the village. "Aren't they cute?" 

"I'm just relieved they didn't have a huge argument already, no matter what you told him." Miroku paused, eyeing the entangled couple. "I have to say, I wouldn't have thought Kagome liked public places." 

"I can hear you," growled Inuyasha. 

Sango bit her lip and Miroku held up his hands. "Merely an observation, my friend, merely an observation." 

"She's asleep. Now go away." 

"Some things never change," Sango sighed. 

Miroku tucked Sango under his arm, resting his other hand on her belly. "Some things do." 

"You know," she said as they continued down the path, "I've always wanted to see what a quarter inu-youkai would look like." 

Inuyasha rolled his eyes. _Don't they have anything better to do?_ The breeze carried their scents back to him and he arched an eyebrow. _Guess they already did it. Glad I didn't stick around the well._ Kagome stirred in his arms and he automatically pulled her closer. 

"I was sleeping," Kagome murmured. "But somebody was yelling." 

Inuyasha felt his stomach lurch. _Okay, I hadn't thought about the waking up part._ "Uh. Hi?" 

Kagome rolled over to see him better. _He looks older somehow. Four years shouldn't have made this much difference._ She reached up and brushed her fingertips over his brow and cheekbone. "You're not dead." 

_Ah, guilt._ "No." He hid his face in her hair, unable to meet that level brown gaze in which, even now, there was no condemnation. 

Kagome sighed, wrapping her arms around him. "I'm sorry I left you. If I'd known you were alone this whole time, I never would have stayed away. I thought you were with Kikyo." She hugged him harder. "I'm so sorry she's gone. It must've been awful for you." 

He pulled back, puzzled. "What're you talking about?" 

Now Kagome looked confused. "I thought maybe you still missed her." _Isn't that why you didn't come for me?_

Inuyasha looked away. "My Kikyo died after she pinned me to the God Tree. She's been gone for a long time. That... thing wasn't her. It never was." 

Temper pricked Kagome, and she shoved at his arms. "You say that to me now? You put me through hell, Inuyasha, and now you're telling me you knew the whole time she wasn't what you wanted and you just forgot to tell me?" 

"No, damn it." Inuyasha tightened his grasp on her. "I didn't know on that last night. Okay? I thought it was her. I meant to go with her. I did, because I promised her, and you know how I am about that. But she wouldn't take me. She said it was because you were in my head. I didn't understand what she meant, but then when she left and I was alone, I didn't think about her. I only thought about you." Kagome's eyes widened. "So whatever stupid idea you have that I still prefer Kikyo to you, you can just forget it, okay?" 

_That was almost sweet. Rude, but sweet._ "But you didn't come for me." 

"I was going to." 

When he didn't continue, Kagome tugged on an ear. Inuyasha yelped. "Why didn't you?" 

"Because." She glared at him and he growled under his breath. He rolled away from her and sat up, folding his arms. "I was trying to do the best thing for you. You didn't get to have a normal life and do that school thing ever since you got here. But you get to now, right? You're in your time. Are you telling me you wanted me to drag you away from all that again?" 

The mild, warm day seemed darker and chillier without him touching her. Kagome pulled the haori around her. "If it meant I could be with you." 

He snarled, dropping into a crouch in front of her. She stared back at him. "What does this time have to offer you except more damn demons chasing you, huh? _I'm_ not even human. How could I ask you to leave your family and your friends and live in mortal danger? I'm your damn protector, and I'm going to protect you from everything. Even me." 

"Listen, you." Kagome grabbed the hem of his kimono and dragged herself up so they were nose to nose. "You don't get to make that decision. I decide where I'm going to live my life and with whom I'm going to live it. If I want to live it with you, you'll just have to deal with it. If it puts me in mortal danger, that's my choice. If you're my protector, shut up and protect me!" 

Expressions flickered in the burned-gold depths of his eyes: irritation, anticipation, triumph. "But who's going to protect you from me?" he purred, half-open eyes gleaming. 

Kagome's pulse kicked in her chest. "I don't need to be protected from you." 

Inuyasha shrugged. "If you say so." 

Kagome opened her mouth, intending to inform him that she meant what she said, but found it rather difficult to do so with his tongue in her mouth. _Oh...!_ She meant to shove him away--_you can't just grab me, after all this time, and expect me to like it_--but his taste changed from moment to moment, sweet like honey, bitter like tears, and the fine linen texture of his kimono felt like sacking next to his skin and hair, and she found she couldn't bring herself to let him go until she'd memorized all of it. His skin warmed her through the fabric, until only the beads of the rosary were cool around his neck. 

_Wait... a rosary? He doesn't have his rosary anymore! I broke it, I know I did. _

From some corner of her soul she managed to dredge up the willpower to pull away. He blinked at her in bemusement. She sucked in a few ragged breaths before she managed to say, "What do you have around your neck?" 

Inuyasha stared at her like he'd forgotten how to understand human speech. Kagome sighed and slid her hand under his kimono. That got his attention and he seized her wrist. "Hey!" But his reflexes had slowed, because she still managed to part the fabric to see a familiar set of beads gleam dully at her. 

"Did Kaede have to subdue you after I left? Honestly, Inuyasha...." 

He hunched his shoulders defensively, covering the rosary with the hand not gripping her wrist. "Leave it alone." Confused, Kagome drew her hand back. He let go of her wrist and turned away, pulling his kimono shut. 

"Inuyasha?" she said. 

He shook his head a few times, ears flicking to and fro, rubbing the beads through the material. "It's stupid. It's nothing." 

Kagome bit her lip. _Please, don't shut me out now._ "I won't think it's stupid, I promise." 

She had nearly given up hope of a response when he rasped out, "She didn't have to subdue me. It's the same one I've always had." 

The whole world seemed quiet. "Who fixed it?" she said into the hush. 

"Me. I didn't have it for a couple of days after you left. Then I went back and found the beads. You never gave me anything else." 

"Kaede gave it to you," Kagome said, feeling dizzy. 

"But who used it? 'Sit, boy,'" he mimicked. "It's a miracle I can walk; I thought you were going to break my fucking back." Kagome glared at him and he tossed her a half-hearted grin over his shoulder. 

"So you put it back together to remind yourself of all the times I almost paralyzed you? I'm really touched." 

His smile vanished. "I... You.... Aw, fuck it." He leapt to his feet, kicking at the small stones along the bank. "I told Sango I wasn't any fucking good at this. 'Tell her how you feel,' she says. Bullshit. I should've stayed in the fucking woods." 

Kagome propped her chin on her hands, watching him pace and curse. _No, this won't do. I want him to talk to me. Hmmmm._ "Inuyasha?" 

"What, damn it?" 

"Sit, boy." 

The rosary did absolutely nothing at all, but Inuyasha crashed to the ground anyway. He immediately jumped up again, snarling, but Kagome was already laughing helplessly. "You little--" 

"I can't believe you sat yourself," Kagome wheezed. 

"Don't ever try that again," he huffed. 

"Maybe I can re-enchant it," she began, then squeaked as he bowled her over. 

"I don't think so." 

"It was a joke." 

"Yeah, and you thought I'd laugh because...." 

"I wanted you to stop and talk to me, damn it," she blurted. She felt him start with what she assumed was surprise. "You put it back together. Why? I don't understand." 

"You want to know the truth, Kagome?" he murmured. His eyes seemed to glow and his breath stroked her neck like a hand, making her shiver. "For months, _I_ couldn't figure out why I put this damn thing back together. I hated it. I hated being sat. I hated being under your control. But you walked away from me. You broke our bond. Eventually I knew I hated that even more." 

_How can I feel like I'm falling when I know he's holding me down?_ "I let you go." 

He shook his head. "You can't. Me, I tried to let you go, but you came back. Now I can't let go." 

"Inuyasha," Kagome breathed. 

"You thought you freed me, but it was too late. I wear your collar, Kagome: enchanted, unenchanted, broken, whole, whatever. I belong to you. And you belong to me." 

Kagome wound her arms around his neck and held on. "It took you this long to realize it?" He reared back to glare at her, but she was laughing at him through her tears. "I've belonged to you for years, you idiot. I just never thought you belonged to me." 

Inuyasha snorted and propped himself on one elbow so he could trace the outlines of her face with a claw. "I never belonged to anyone else." His expression turned thoughtful. "I should get you a collar." 

"I came back for this," Kagome muttered. "I must be insane." 

"You came back because you love me," Inuyasha said. He paused. "Don't you?" 

Kagome tried to suppress the smirk. "Do I?" 

"You said--" 

She gave in and reached up to run her fingers through his hair so it curtained them from the world. "I do. I always did. It's a life sentence." 

He sighed and rested his forehead on hers. He could hear her heart beating, felt her rhythm once more mark counterpoint to his. _No, we can't go back from what she decided before. But we can go forward._ "Yeah. I love you too." 


End file.
